The Fear of Stagnation vs Transmutation

How does one go through this world wrestling with the idea & expectation of change? Change does not occur overnight nor does change truly come into fruition without first setting an intention and deciding to make a commitment. I often reflect on the times that I’ve tried to change myself for myself or for the sake of appeasing others.

Which root leads to a healthy foundation for radical transformation?

The change that comes from:

The cognitive dissonance?

The pain and suffering?

The change that occurs by being willing/able to hold space and sit with your own *stuff*?

All of the above along with the pursuit of contentedness is what I have found to ultimately shift my internal and external reality.

I was talking with a friend recently about some of the personality traits and habits that become deeply ingrained and seemingly impossible to “fix”, ”get rid of”, ”manage”, or whatever you want to call it. Personally, I don’t think it’s helpful to frame it that way. At some point, you may (or may not have) learned or picked up on certain traits and habits. The traits and/or habits were nurtured…or not… maintained… or not. Quite similar to an ecosystem or plant(s). Just as nature doesn’t change overnight (well.. that’s up for debate) it’s unfair to expect humans to (after all, we are a part of nature).

A great friend/mentor once said,

"You have to meet people where they are.”

Over the course of my lifetime I have sat with this and observed the power of intentionality and time.

I’ll share a little story with y’all. 💭 I remember learning about veganism when I was about 10 or 11 years old. There was a seed that was planted, but no actions were taken. 🌱 In middle school, someone that I liked at the time was vegetarian and although I was familiar with their diet/lifestyle I was still resistant to the idea of changing my life in such a dramatic way.

“This is too much/different. I could never be vegetarian or vegan! I love [insert dairy or meat product here] too much"

I would however, try some vegetarian things, mostly because I’m a foodie but also because I REALLY wanted to impress them. So, high school comes around and I’m STILL curious about this vegetarian and vegan thing… I began making small but mighty changes. A little meatless Monday here, a dairy alternative there, and an expanding sense of openness. Still, I did not completely stick to anything; I was simply exploring. I sought out information, filled my timeline up with enticing pictures of plant-based foods/meals (the Buddha and smoothie bowls especially 😋), and watched a couple of documentaries.

My senior year of high school, I finally set the intention to eventually *be* vegetarian (and then vegan, or whatever came first). I’d love to sit here and say that I made the transformation at the same exact time that I set my intention; that’s not my truth though. I spent the next few years teetering between “cheat days” and “I’m finally doing it!” Yeah… doing it unsuccessfully, but doing something nonetheless. 😅 There were moments when I felt overwhelmed and moments when I felt empowered. I mostly felt overwhelmed because I tried changing a huge aspect of my life — ALONE. The researching became too much. The buying and preparing foods became too much. The ostracization became too much.

Then one day, something shifted. I began feeling more committed to the process, with less pressure to be perfect. I carried this with me throughout college and slowly but surely stepped more in alignment with my intention. When I became serious about my intention and my commitment, I challenged myself to find others already doing the work. I felt less overwhelmed and most importantly, less alone. There have definitely been times where I've consumed non-vegan products out of desperation or unknowingly. However, I am fully in alignment with my goal and strive to remain intentional on a daily basis.

I’m able to share this now because I feel that I have finally went through the process of changing — successfully. Now, I am applying what I've learned about the mechanism of transmutation to other aspects of my life, but this time I have others to guide me, mirror back to me, and most importantly — hold space for me. Once I feel that I have fully integrated what I desire to integrate and mastered what I desire to master, I will be sharing that part of my story and hopefully it will also remind others to keep doing the work and remember that change does not occur overnight nor does change truly come into fruition without first setting an intention and deciding to make a commitment.

Photography by: Chris Johnson

Personally, the fear of stagnation is what guides me to emerge from the chrysalis stage to full transmutation (or transformation). Thank you for reading one of the many Tales of Ānanda.

Reminder to self: May your intentions and commitments be greater than your fears.

Photography by: Chris Johnson